So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
