I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
