Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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