k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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