She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
