why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
