She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
