4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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