They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
