pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
