I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I did not marry a roomba.
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