I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
