Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
that's an acceptable place to lick
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
