I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
