It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
