Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
