Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
