so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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