My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
