Your tits are I can't wait for
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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