I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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