I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
