Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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