hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
