i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
