sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
