Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed đ
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Liz Cheney wasnât exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying âYAS QUEENâ for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
