I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
