Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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