Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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