Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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