hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
