just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
