I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
