we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
