i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
