im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
