i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
