we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
