This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
