you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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