I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
