we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
