tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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