It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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