I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
