why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
