i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
