there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
