Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
