haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
