Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
