Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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